I felt like my life was going too fast and I needed to slow down. Instead, I spent the time in meditation, reading, and praying. It hit me that that where I formerly took each step with intentionality and purpose, I was now letting the moments of opportunity slip by with careless neglect.
There's no excuse for this season of carelessness and lackluster. I've let myself be consumed with tiredness and busyness, and allowed myself the luxury of thinking that it was okay to do that because it was for the glory of God. Its been easy for me to say that I am in a good place with the Lord because I've been keeping up with my devotionals each day and I spend each day in prayer, but in retrospect, all that is for nothing if I'm not positioning myself to be in His presence constantly.
As I reflected on this, I've become particularly conscious of the various habitual sins of my life and am reminded of the extent of my foolishness. The apostle Paul writes in Romans 6,
"What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it?" Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life."
Yet, even though I knew this otherwise "basic" theological premise and professed it, my life showed otherwise. My battle with sin has comprised of asking for forgiveness, being conscious of it for several hours, and then forgetting, repeating the transgression and starting the cycle all over again.I am further reminded that for a leader in ministry, who is supposed to be led by the Holy Spirit, this is an even more pressing issue. I recently came across a quote by A.W. Towzer who writes
"Whoever would be indwelt by the Spirit must judge his life for any hidden iniquities. He must expel from his heart everything that is out of accord with the character of God as revealed by the Holy Scriptures... There can be no tolerance of evil, no laughing off the things that God hates."
Oswald Sanders further comments that this is the kind of trouble we face if
"we pretend to be filled, or hold back on our willingness to let the Spirit control us."
Dealing with this, will take discipline, accountability, and intentionality, all bounded by the love which flows from and ends with God. My prayer is that I might be faithful in dealing with even a part of the issue that I've addressed; that this would be the start of inward revival to living as a Christian man in this day and age.
Soli Deo Gloria!
Sam Kim
My favorite devotional spot on campus
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